I Didn’t Get to Say Goodbye

I love to look back at old pictures. It allows me to reflect. Most of my pictures were taken at a moment in time when there was something , some place, event, or someone with me that mattered. Sadly, many times those places and people are no more.

I love this picture not because there’s anything spectacular about it. It is all about who took it. This was our last ‘girls trip’ together. It is still hard to think about her at times. She left – I didn’t get to say goodbye. She left a gaping wound in my heart. I loved you Annette and still do. You were a lover of life, a giver – one of the kindest I know. My only comfort is that you walked with a Father who loved you more than anyone else could. You loved Him too.

God numbered your days- I had hoped we would grow old together. I wished we got the chance to shop together one time. To have you annoy me after spending hours in Ross and walking out with a few things. We didn’t get to dance one more time. To crash an open house and take pictures in those model homes. To ignore you when you commented that I became a ‘soft driver’ since I left New York. To take what I want from your closet. To have you tell me ‘no’ a million times and to have me ignore you. To have you inform me a day or two before you take a plane and show up at my house. As if I should always be available to accommodate you. I haven’t said much about you since you left – sometimes the pain leaves me breathless for a minute. I wish I had known the last time I saw you would be last time.

‘ If I had only known the last time would be the last time
I would’ve put off all the things I had to do
I would’ve stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter
Now what I’d give for one more day with you
‘Cause there’s a wound here in my heart where something’s missing
And they tell me that it’s gonna heal with time
But I know you’re in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine [ Casting Crowns]

Friends, I guess what I’m saying is – just love those around you, don’t sweat the small stuff and tell some one they matter. Our days are truly numbered – whether or not we believe it. It is what it is. God is not man that He should lie. Don’t leave earth without being reconciled to Him.

“We’re all adrift in the same boat:
  too few days, too many troubles.
We spring up like wildflowers in the desert and then wilt,
 transient as the shadow of a cloud. Mortals have a limited life span.
 You’ve already decided how long we’ll live—
  You set the boundary and no one can cross it. [ Job 14: 1,2,5 MSG]

**Thanks for checking in – Love a little harder today.