I love this picture. I look so happy and at peace, don’t I? The irony is that this picture was taken during one of the saddest, darkest seasons of my life. Not even the person who took this picture knew what I was walking through. Isn’t it funny how we smile when the camera comes out and the spot light shines on us? If anyone took the time to look into my eyes, they would have seen the depths of my sadness. My eyes tend to tell the tale.
I don’t remember the timeline, but maybe a few months before or after this picture was taken I remember standing before a mirror looking at my eyes. I didn’t recognize them – they didn’t look like me. However when I step out of the ‘shadows’, I looked the picture of peace and well-being. Things are not always what they seem to be.
Lately, we have been shocked by the number of seemingly ‘successful’ people taking their lives. The common comment is ‘ we didn’t see this coming’. Family and friends are left with so many more questions than answers. What signs or symptoms did we miss? How could we have helped?
I never really had a challenge with suicidal thoughts, but I’ve felt tired. I’ve felt like I needed a place to disappear – to be left alone. A place where I didn’t have to think. No questions, no expectations, no conflicts and no fears. Where no voices were heard – complete solitude. I didn’t want to be bothered. I just wanted to escape. To run until I reach the end of myself. Have you ever felt like that? Do you see how one can get there if we don’t have the necessary tools to rein in our thoughts in a healthy way? Death can seem deceptively welcoming. Guard your thoughts.
Ignoring the sadness in your soul or someone else’s is never healthy. At times it can be fatal. Sadness comes with this thing called life. No one escapes it. However, if you allow it to take an inch, it will take a yard. Drowning it with ‘red, red wine’ as suggested by Neil Diamond brings another set of problems. I don’t need to talk about the disappointments we encounter when we try to use people or toxic relationships to help us escape.
My safe place is my relationship with Christ. We talk about everything. He invites me to ‘come now and let’s reason together’. When talking seems limited – I write. I am so glad He reads my letters and notes. I also found that reading His letters and notes to me [we call that scriptures] shifts the atmosphere around me. Songs that takes the attention off me to the One greater than me quiets the turmoil in my soul. Even though situations may not change, I change. My perspective changes – It may be called the ‘renewing of the mind’.
Sometimes I connect with someone who may be able to relate. Often times I sleep, go for a drive or a walk. I have also learned the art of taking my eyes off me and doing something for someone else. What do you do? Like many other emotions [healthy or unhealthy], sadness is a symptom of something deeper. Left unattended, it can take us to some dark places.
Have you looked into someone’s eyes lately? Have you listened to what they are not saying? When they smile, does the smile reach their eyes? What about your own sadness? Have you looked into your eyes recently? Please, don’t turn the other way….
***Thank you for sharing a bit of my world. ‘Like’ and comment – share with someone who may need this.
Restored Hearts 
Unfortunately, we live in a world where people look at our appearance and they think that a person is all together or that they are doing well. There was a time I would pass a person and just say hi and keep moving. But one day and this was years later the Lord convicted me of that. He said for now on you will ask, how are you doing today? This way it leaves the door open for communication.
And you know what? It works. People where actually letting me know how they are doing/ some even said thanks for taking the time to ask. And when anyone told me that they were having a bad day, I would stay and allow them to talk. Not give advice but listen. People walk around with so much on their shoulders they just need to let it out.
That is why we need to take the blinders off and stop assuming that just looking at a person that they are okay. This is a great post you wrote. Thanks for sharing your story.
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Real truth! Thank you for responding to the Lord’s directives. It’s the same when someone keeps weighing on our minds…we should connect. Love this!
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You are so right; we should act when they are weighing on our minds.
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Wow. This ministered to me today. Been feeling like I want to stop thinking and have somebody think for me. I want to go to sleep and when I wake up, everything is taken care of, everything is fixed. Sigh.
Yes, we smile through everything… but I will certainly take a deep look into my eyes today..
Thank you girlfriendđź’•
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Girl…I know that feeling. Been there but discovered I couldn’t and shouldn’t stay there long. It’s a slippery slope to a dark place. But God…..
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There are indeed subtle signs that let us know how a person is truly feeling, body language and eyes are big ones. You’re right though, today we don’t take the time to really look at or get to know each other. Thankfully God knows our hearts and he is there to help if we let him.
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For sure…
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Thank you for sharing. I have been in sad, dark places feeling the escape from my tormentor was death. Thank God I am still here, and overcome the tormentor and the dark place. We as people have a wide range of emotions, including sadness. I share my emotions with God, even anger, not that I am angry at Him, but sometimes I am angry. Then He is able to come in and we can resolve the problem together.
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So true – We get to process all those emotions with a Father who gets us. I appreciate your comments.
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I saw this new teacher sitting by herself and I asked if she was ok, this was early August. During the last couple of months I notice she always looks so depressed and lonely. I make it my duty to stop and talk. Just last Friday she gave me a call, just to say thank you for making her feel like someone. This lady has every sickness in the world and has to go on dialysis three days per week, she lives by herself. I cannot begin to think of the level of loneliness, but God had place me there to show her he cares for her. He even took it further, she was assigned as my class interventionist for the rest of the school year. God sees our heart, our eyes, our thoughts, he cares about every aspect of our lives. If we could just learn to trust him. Be blessed
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You were a blessing indeed – louder than a hundred scripture verses. You were the ‘bible verses’. O to be His hands extended. Thanks for sharing sis!
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“His Name is Jesus, Jesus.
Sad eyes weep no more
For He heals the broken hearted
Open wide the prison doors
He is able to deliver evermore”
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Yes..He does!
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I can relate to the part about “it’s in the eyes.” I went through a terrible time after my mother died when I was 16, and when I look back at photos, even though I’m smiling, bright and wide, my eyes are pure sadness. Most people don’t notice, because most people do not look into your eyes.
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So true. As much as we try our eyes say it all…
Thanks for commenting.
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