A Path Not Taken

As we come to the end of the month of May, it marks the end of one season and the beginning of another. We will soon walk into summer. May is a month that often uncovers some painful wounds and expose some hidden scars. Join me as we take a glimpse into the heart of some of my sister-friends.

Confessions – Dream Unfulfilled:

“My journey in trying to become a mother has been a long, isolated one- sometimes desperate one. I don’t know if I will ever be completely healed from the emotional toll, but have made a conscious decision to try to make peace. For many years I felt a sense of disappointment; incomplete as a woman. Having all – except this [one thing]. Capable of having all, except this. [The feeling of being] a total failure in life.”

There are things in life that we can only imagine. Unless we’ve walked that road, we don’t always get someone’s journey. This is part of a conversation I had with a friend awhile back. I have also included comments made by others. They have no biological children. The journey to peace and acceptance has not been an easy one. Having these conversations was eye-opening for me in many ways. I have become a better person after I listened. I won’t say much more – just read. Listen with a open heart. Like I did. No correction – no judgement. Maybe we’ll be reminded that our cup , just like our neighbor’s, comes with the bitter and the sweet.

” Many experiences on this journey have been buried so deep and will stay buried as I continue my peace journey. A friend once told me to get a dog… I was way too sensitive to hear that. I ended the friendship. I asked my mother to look into finding me a child in […..] No result. Her response was -‘ You are not the only woman in the world in that situation [childless]. I soon realize, parents can’t fix all your problems. I also explored [ surrogacy]. [ Never materialized]. Hopeless. My closet is a tell-tale sign of the emptiness. A lot is masked there. I didn’t realize this until later. [Later] I asked myself -‘ How do I want to spend the rest of my life?’ [Will I continue] pining after the unfulfilled dream? Now – I am choosing to live. I take on different life projects and get immersed in them. I am a work in progress.”

The miscarriage of plans, unmet expectations, or unfulfilled dreams – we often title them based on how we process them. Another of my sister-friend penned it this way:

” I wish it could be summed up in one sentence. I know I have been a mother figure to many, including the one who I raised from a baby. [However], I still feel incomplete.”

These are some of the ‘lot in life’ we deal with, yet still we rise. The truth is, life calls upon us to show up – even in our sense of incompleteness. We give of ourselves very often from a place of compassion because we understand what it feels like to have ‘a lack or a void’. Other friends of mine shared their journey to peace sometime ago.

” It took a painful while, but I am now at peace. I wanted to give my mom a grandchild, but my siblings made up where I was lacking.”

“On my 40th birthday, my husband confessed that all the years I was yearning for a child he wasn’t in the same space with me. He hadn’t wanted a child during that season. I was shocked and broken.”

“It is great although sometimes a little twitching may come. I dismiss it with the 34 nieces, nephews, and god-children.”

Though the journey maybe similar for many, it is true that there are some women who quickly embraced this path not taken. They became okay with it quite easily; others have had to walk a mile or two in their ache. We are not all wired the same and we process things differently. There is comfort in resting in the truth that God knows our frame – our strengths and limitations. As my sisters share their story of grace, I pray they’ll continue to discover the purpose for this road they have been asked to travel. May we all remember that God uses all the broken things we give Him. He repurposes them for His glory when we say yes to His way.

‘O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit or stand. When far away you know my every thought. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am.’ [Psalm 139:1-3]

***Thanks for reading.