This past week I reflected a bit on those deep desires that we sometimes can’t seem to shake. Year in and year out they remain unmoved. They are with us when we go to sleep and when we wake up. Though we try to bury them, they resurrect at the most expected time. We reason with ourselves, we reason with God. Often times those closest to us don’t seem to get it. We are frequently misunderstood; so we internalize our battle. It then becomes a silent struggle.
Such was the anguish that Hannah experienced. She was the mother of Samuel, the old testament prophet. Much like many women then and today, she struggled with infertility. She was ridiculed by others and initially misunderstood by her priest. The man she loved appeared not to get it. He questioned her sadness – her desire to have a child. “You have me – isn’t that better than having ten sons?”, he asked – almost insensitively. She found no solace in her home, in her marriage – not even in her church. What’s a sister suppose to do? Ever been there?
I honestly believe that God allows it to be like that on purpose at times. Those desires, dreams, visions, and passion that drive us were not given to others- they were given to us. As good as it is, we cannot always depend on human support to fuel us. Misplaced expectations will ultimately lead to disappointment. People will not always get what’s driving you or me. Not everyone who starts with you will continue with you. We need to be okay with that. Here comes the wonderful lesson of dependence on God.
It’s in these moments that we look to the One who planted that dream or desire in us. That’s when our posture changes. Our eyes turn upwards. My soul waits silently for God alone. For my expectation is from Him. [Psalm 62:5] I’ve reach the end of myself. My efforts have failed; I am empty of thoughts and ideas. Occasionally, a weariness bathes my soul. I read this commentary and felt the need to share. ‘God does the extraordinary when people realize their inadequacy and learn to call upon Him in anguish of heart and utter dependence’. [Daily Studies with Stuart Briscoe]
When our desires align with God’s purpose, it becomes a thing of beauty. No force can stop that wheel from turning. That’s when ashes and broken pieces become art in His hands. The bottled tears from years of waiting begins to water the parched places. A new thing emerges – a new me emerges. The one who stays in the fight and never gives up on those God-given desires. I wait to see them come to life. Like Hannah, when we release our desires to God, He positions us for the answers. From pain she birthed a prophet.
***Thanks for reading – ‘Don’t let those dreams or desires shrivel up and die.’