I love Him in His Imperfection

Father’s Day arouses a whole range of emotions in many people. From feelings of delight, awe, respect and admiration to total disdain. For some it’s a love-hate reality; one that can be confusing at times. When I look at my own relationship with my father, it was puzzling at times. I love the man, but soon realize the currency of his love and mine were different. I had to grow to understand how he expressed love. None of that was within the realms of my control. Neither was it my fault; he was who he was. I accepted it and soon realized that whatever he couldn’t give me – my heavenly Father gave me by other means. I took the time to get some feedback about fathers from a few people in my village. The responses I got were interesting. They revealed that we overwhelmingly love our fathers, even when we want to hate them. I heard stories of amazing fathers, along with tales of disappointment. As we mature, we eventually realize some fathers come broken, bleeding, insecure, and limited. Some have little to give and, in our eyes, they fall short on so many levels. In their imperfection, some have inflicted gaping wounds in the hearts and minds of those they should have protected. Often times, they didn’t know how to love and protect.

Stories from the Heart and Minds of Sons and Daughters

Sons wrote:

I love my father to death, but he was not good at ‘fathering’. He barely spoke to us except when he was scolding us. He came home late, often times drunk and he left early in the mornings. I grew up thinking he didn’t love me. I patterned my activities as a father off him by doing the opposite of anything he did. He became a different man when I was grown…I forgave him. So, in the end I loved my daddy still.

I love his sense of humor and how he loves my mom. I love the sacrifice he made to make sure we all got a good education. I dislike his fears…

I liked his passion for and love for his family. He would go out of his way to ensure everyone was okay and defended us, no matter what. [I disliked his use of foul language] He cursed – didn’t care who was there.

I loved that he was cared for his family. I was never in need of anything. He spoke his mind about anything to anyone. I didn’t like that. [He had no filter.]

Daughters wrote:

I loved that he was provider. I disliked that he was emotionally distant.

I loved that he can really cook. I hated how he screamed at the top of voice – in my face. To this day, I don’t like noise, chaos or loud people.

He was committed and did his best to take care of us. He was also very opinionated and prejudiced. He didn’t like who I chose [to marry]. My brother gave me away [walked me down the aisle at my wedding].

I disliked his temper.

My father was a functioning alcoholic who never contributed to our household. Every penny of his salary was spent on alcohol. He was, however, calm and kind with words – never fussed nor fought. [This left my mother bitter and resentful. I loved my father]

I loved his desire to learn. He saw the absolute necessity to learn a second language. What I disliked is he was not as affectionate as I would have liked. Didn’t take time to do things with the family. Things like travelling and exposure to cultural activities were not seen as important.

I loved his passion for education and how he made time to play sports with us. What I disliked was that he didn’t take the time to listen and create a relationship with us. He was not a gentle man.

I love how much of a provider he is – making sure his family is taken care of in all aspects. I dislike how he’s not around – working so hard. I just wish he could be more present in our lives.

I loved his fun loving and caring nature. I hated how much he smoked.

He was very strict and protective. He was a provider…my needs were met. [The things I disliked then, now I understand.]

I love his sense of humor, his friendliness and outgoing spirit. What I disliked was him ‘coming on to me’ [ inappropriate advances] when I was a teenager. It took over 30+ years before I spoke to him and finally forgave him. I thank God for mercy.

[***Some of these statements were paraphrased for clarity.]

Many of us have reached the place of forgiveness. Some of us are struggling to get there. The burden of unforgiveness can be debilitating and exhausting. We may have come to realize that our fathers can’t give us what they don’t have. Making peace with that releases us as we set them free. Thankfully, God is able to grace us with the divine enablement to get there when it seems impossible. Against all odds, we choose to love them in their imperfection. The truth is – God has been loving us in like manner for a very long time. His unconditional love has kept us in the worst in the best and worst of times. For some of us, He has pursued us relentlessly even though we’ve rejected Him. Maybe we’d like to extend that same grace to our imperfect fathers today. Our love and forgiveness may be the balm they need for their wounded heart and troubled soul.

***Thanks for reading – I pray you chose to love that father despite his imperfections.