This is Father’s Day weekend. I thought long and hard about writing this post. Partly because I didn’t want to paint anyone in a bad light. After all for many, this is a celebratory weekend. The truth is most of my family don’t read what I write anyway- so here goes😎!
First, let me applaud all the fathers [ bonus dads and father figures] out there who step up to bat everyday. I know some of you didn’t have a role model nor were you given a manual at the hospital. You did this sometimes blindly. There were hits and misses at times. There were moments you prayed you were doing the right thing. You may have struggled with your own limitations. Much of the pain you encountered in life probably resurfaced when you became a dad. It was then you began to question the choices your dad made. You wonder how or why he did some of the things he did [or didn’t do].
I didn’t grow up with my biological father. My parents went their separate ways when I was a toddler. However, my dad was good provider. I am his only girl and he did a good job making sure I had what I needed. He did the best he could. I’ve come to understand that this was my father’s love language. We didn’t live in the same country while I was growing up, so we communicated primarily by phone or through letters. In my twenties, we ended up living in the same city. These were some eye-opening years.
I love my father, but I don’t connect with him on any level. I’ve struggled with this most of my life. He is by no means perfect; neither am I. Throughout my life I waited for the other shoe to drop. The ’daddy issues’ to surface. They never did. Sometimes I felt a twinge of guilt. Questions swirled around my mind often. Why don’t I connect on an intimate level with my father? Where is that father-daughter thing that I see being lived out with others? And why wasn’t I bothered by this lack of connection? These questions and others troubled me, until recently.
I talked to God about this quite a bit. This year finally I got peace in my heart as I had a heart to heart with my Heavenly Father. I realized the reason I didn’t feel a sense of lack or had daddy issues. My heavenly Father did a wonderful job of filling in the missing pieces. I grew up with a good step-father who treated me like his own. The men in the church I attended treated me like a daughter. I remember more than one couple who would invite me to spend time with them as a teenager. There were men in my life who looked out for me- asked me about school, career and the likes. Men who listened and offered fatherly advice. Where my father didn’t or couldn’t – God filled in the missing pieces. God completed the work in me. Where humans dropped the ball, He stepped in. He is the good, good Father.
Maybe Father’s Day doesn’t spark any light in your heart. There are no memories to smile about. No Dad to hug or call. I get you. I remember how hard it was for me to get the right Father’s Day card. The truth is, I didn’t relate to the words in those cards. No shade on my dad. My dad could not give me what he didn’t have. I am at peace with that. He did the best he knew how. Then God did the rest.
Can I invite you to release your imperfect dad today? Whether he’s alive or not. Whether you know him or not. Somewhere along the road- God filled in some missing pieces. Or maybe He wants to but He needs you to give Him space in your heart to do so. Our Heavenly Father never fails. That I can celebrate today.
The LORD appeared to (me)… saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you. [Jer. 31:3AMP]
*** Thanks for reading – ‘Release your imperfect dad, free yourself’.