I remember the year 2000; some of the darkest days of my life. There were thoughts of running away, dying, abortion – just pure unadulterated pain. I could not see beyond my nose. Could not find the strength to face each day. My mind was in a very unhealthy place.
Ironically, church was the hardest place to be. I’d never felt so ‘less than’. I didn’t want to be there, but needed to be there. It was there that my sins, failures, shame, and disappointment felt more magnified. Whether real or imagined, I felt alone. However, this was where God stretched me. Broken , molded, and reshaped – the best version of me arose from the ash. He used people to love me back to wholeness. He refused to let me run away from the ‘current situation’. It was in standing that I became stronger.
Many days I wondered if I could face tomorrow. Well, this is my tomorrow! I am living in ‘that tomorrow’ today because of a faithful Father. I am on the other side of pain, embracing the ‘tomorrow’ He had prepared for me – the one I couldn’t have envisioned then.
There is a ‘tomorrow’ for you. As dark, painful and troubling as it may seem today – know there is a brighter tomorrow. Strength may have failed you and like me your vision is dimmed. You may feel crippled in some deep places; unable to articulate your emotions. You feel like running until you reach the end of yourself. Hopelessness might have engulfed your being and you feel like you are drowning in sorrow. Despite all of this, there is light on the other side.
You will come out stronger and wiser. Know that you are seen by a heavenly Father who desires to sit with you in your pain. He desires to grant you the understanding that there is purpose in the pain. This may be a road that was designed for you to walk during this season. A road that may lead to a better you, though you can’t visualize it now . Trust that the God who knows your tomorrow desires to hold you in the palm of His hands. Trust His heart – hold His hands. If you can’t or don’t know how to – let Him hold you.
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” [Isaiah 41:13]
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