Say It

Have ever felt disappointed by or even angry at God? The part of you that’s sane knows that He’s all just, all true, and all perfect. He makes no mistakes – His love is unconditional and limitless. Why would I – mere mortal- dare to even question His ways or His acts? I don’t know. However, I’ve discovered somethings from observing my own imperfect thought patterns.

I have unrealistic expectations, often from faulty beliefs. It’s hard to wait. Your ways are not my ways. I hear things You didn’t say. I know Your way is perfect, in my limited understanding of time and eternity – what I see makes no sense. What I feel does not line up with what I know of You. How dare I feel let down in the presence of the Omniscient Omnipotent One? Who am I to second-guess You? You invite conversation to clarify and correct -‘ Come now and let us reason together says the Lord’ [Isaiah 1:18]. In my folly, I wallow in my feelings – slowly I drift. While You still wait for me to ‘say it’.

Sometimes

I believe You
for things You never promised
My own desires speak so loudly
I mistake it for Your will
My heart wants
what it wants
I found out
It’s not what You want

My plans seem perfect
You see beyond the open door
You say no
My prayers are often an effort
to twist Your ‘arm’
You act in Your own time
I call it delay

You seek to refine me
I want answered prayers
My silence speaks to
my disappointment
While You wait
to hear me say it
Speak of my struggles

Dissatisfaction
Disillusionment
Discouragement
Displeasure
Defeat
You still wait to hear me say it
But I’m silent

*** Thanks for reading. Don’t stay silent in the presence of the only One who can make it make sense. Have a conversation. He already knows what’s eating at you.