Recently I had a conversation with one of my sister girls – about the men in our lives. We talked about our sons. We ended our conversation with the resolve that we believe they will walk into their God-given destiny. They were born for and with a purpose.
Men. They come by all different names. Sons, brothers, fathers, husbands, uncles, grandpas, nephews, friends , exes , whys and in-laws. In the US, as we celebrate Black History Month and Valentines Day. I wanted to reflect on the men we love and our place in their lives.
Let me first applaud the men who show up everyday. Despite life and all it throws at you. Thank you. Daddy. Husband. Brother. Friend. Lover. Baby daddy. Grandpa. Sons. As a reminder -Never forget those who stood with you until you could walk. Help to mend your broken wings so you could fly. The shoulders on which you stood and still stand today. Love them. Show gratitude.
Some of us love men who are broken, crushed, purposeless, crippled, fearful, and misdirected. Some are addicted, wounded, hopeless, incarcerated, misunderstood, stubborn, underappreciated, disrespected and haunted. Even the ones who appear to have it together. Success, influence, power, wealth or whatever other markers we tend to use. They may even have religion. Many times behind that veil is a man who is as empty as a starving man’s stomach. Nevertheless, we love them.
I watched my maternal grandfather waste his life and resources on ‘skirts’. Skirts who never showed up for him in the end. He was never a ‘father’ to my mother. Why? I don’t know. He tried to be a grandpa to me and my siblings but failed. We soon learned to dismiss his empty promises. How? Why? There are many possible reasons. You and I can list them. That discussion is for another time.
This month as we reflect on love and history – I encourage you, I encourage me. Don’t give up on the men in our lives. For the sisters- we not only have a physical womb but a spiritual one also. That place where we birth men into purpose and destiny, in prayers and love.
Some of us are tired. Numb. We’ve cried enough, prayed enough. It appears at times that our words fall on deaf ears. We fear for our men and boys ever so often. Anger and apathy knock at our doors. We walk away helpless. Sometimes betrayed. Tired of the lies. How do we help that someone? Who insists on making poor choices. Someone who hurts us – can’t be trusted. I’m aware that we need to create healthy boundaries. Sometimes we may have to walk away. However, there are times we are called to fight. If not us – then who?
History has shown us men who make a turn around. I’ve seen it time and time again. I’ve seen them rise up. Answer the call. Come back home. Ask for forgiveness. Like the prodigal , ‘come to their senses’. I still believe! I choose to believe. Do you?
I wrote this prayer some years ago for a friend. He was so broken and disappointed. Life happened. I felt his pain. I listened. I encouraged. Feeling ill-equipped, I connected him with a minister. I then turned my eyes to One who loved him best – I penned these words. Maybe you’d like to pray this prayer ‘for him’:
*** Thanks for stopping by to take a glimpse into my heart. ‘Like’ – share with someone who loves a man or a boy.