My Struggle

Maybe you’re like me, at times you struggle with your faith. What you believe opposed to what you should believe. This week I had an eye-opening moment as I realized that something I once believed for was now slowly fading away. Meaning, it appeared that in the ‘waiting’, my faith had slowly waned. Now, even though I speak it from my mouth, I’m not sure I believe it anymore. I made a commitment to pray with others about this and as I checked my heart I found doubt, unbelief and possibly weariness. I didn’t want to end up disappointed at the end of my so-called faith.

What if the thing I’m believing for is not what was meant for me? What if it’s another long season of ‘waiting’? What if God has something else ‘in mind’? What if I climbed the heights of expectation – believing God- then nothing? I know the perfect biblical answers for all these questions. However, that still does not diminish the loudness of the present condition of my heart – hence I struggle.

So I’ve been having this conversation with God this week. It’s good to know He gets me and I’m sure He’ll give me clarity. For now I come to Him with my flawed, imperfect faith. Even as I come, I never doubt His ‘larger-than-life’ love for me. He has always desired ‘truth in the inwards parts’. So here’s my truth today…I struggle..

I struggle to find my footing
That which I believed for
Now evades me
I come empty
Faithless and doubting
A child who needs to be held
Who needs a Father’s strong arm
Remind me You love me
That Your plans for me are good
Your intents are never evil
Remind me
As today I struggle

Maybe this is your current situation. Possibly you have been here before. Like me, deep down you know God’s got you – this is just a temporary glitch. These moments remind us how of our humanness and the defects of our fragile hearts. And so we need the Perfect Father. We lean on His faithful promise to see us through these moments of insecurity and uncertainty.

***Thanks for reading – ‘ This is my Sunday confession.’